I just haven't been in the mood to do a blog post yet, but it's 2015 and my next "hundred" milestone - 200 - is waiting on the horizon, but I just don't want to write. I was wondering why I was feeling so meh, until I decided to take a look at the scoreboard . . .
See, in 2013 I set myself three resolutions: write more, write better & find a girlfriend. I accomplished all of those things - score one for me. In 2014, riding high from that success, I set myself three more resolutions:
- I want a good occupation (that I enjoy doing)
- I will try to make Duke Forever more popular (on tvtropes.org)
- I am going to have my first kiss (with my girlfriend)
Unfortunately, I am still unemployed (despite all of my efforts, including a course in Hospitality); Duke Forever, while the audience seems to have grown still has no more references on TV tropes, (other than those I've added) & I'm sorry to say that I still haven't kissed my girlfriend (☹).
Let's see that scoreboard . . .
Absurd Word Nerd: 1 The Universe: 1
It's no wonder I'm flustered. Someone with an ego like mine can't be seen as even with reality, I need the upper-hand! Seriously, though, it does bother me. Not even one of those resolutions came to fruition. That's part of the reason I didn't keep up with the tradition.
If you do something for only two years in a row, can it be called a "tradition"? Hell, can you even call a pair of two things a "row"? Anyway, for '13 & '14, in December I wrote my New Year's Resolutions up for the year to come, but this year, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
For that reason, the Word of the Day is: 'DEVOLUTION'
Devolution /deevə'lūshən/ n. 1. The act or fact of devolving. 2. Biology Backwards evolution (opposed to evolution); degeneration. 3. The passing on or delegation of power or authority.
Indeed, it does feel like I'm devolving or somehow going backwards. I was on top of the world, now I feel kind of deflated. And I can't write either, so I'm left considering it.
Look, I dunno, I've just been struggling to write, that's all. In every sense.
For the blog, I have trouble because all of my ideas are so small. I mean, I could write about what's going on with family (since I've seen so much of them over this Christmas break) and I could talk about what's going on with my house (since we've put in a ladder to the roof cavity and we're putting down floorboards to make an attic) or I could talk about my relationship (since we're still going strong, through thick and thin, for over a year); but, I don't really want to. I'm just in a bit of a huff, to be honest.
As for my personal fiction writing, my ideas are so big. Too many of them would require a huge story just to produce them the way I want to. I would like turning that kind of stuff into blogfiction, but they're too big for blog posts. Sure, I write them down and I develop them as best I can, but I seem to be doing more ideation than creation. The other day, I spent the entire day working on a story so big it could only really work if I turned the next Halloween Countdown into some kind of novel . . . I might do that, but it will require even more planning and I really should be doing less planning and more writing because, I am working on a novel.
As for that, I'm struggling a little bit just because I'm not sure if I'm writing it right, I can't tell if I'm blocked or what, but it's all a bit of a nuisance, to be honest.
I was wondering if I should make some new resolutions, since I failed last years resolutions; maybe I could see if I could accomplish something new this year, to make up for that failure. But then I started to think about it . . .
Why have I failed?
See, these are life goals, stuff I want to accomplish and I still want to do them, that's why I'm so upset that I haven't done them yet. So, why give up? Perhaps, rather than give up on those resolutions, I can reignite them. Don't Game Over . . . Play On! Where's that fucking scoreboard!
Absurd Word Nerd: 1 The Universe:
Damn right; Universe ain't got nothin' on me! My Resolutions this year are the same as last year:
- I will look for a job (that I can keep and enjoy)
- I will try to make Duke Forever (more) popular
- I will (do everything I can to) kiss my girlfriend
PLUS one little extra . . .
- I will not give up (on myself [again])
I'm the Absurd Word Nerd, and The Universe, and the Space-Time Continuum, ain't got nothin' on me! Enjoy 2015, and I hope to write to you again soon.